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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
I have been struggling with porn addiction for the better part of 16 years, and immediately following any kind of slip i am saddled with feelings of extreme shame and -more recently since i am married- fear. How can i deal with such deep shame? The shame controls me nearly as much as the porn and the masturbation do.
You need to get real accountability and you need to remove this from your life. Shame and guilt is just like porn and masturbation, it is a lie that we allow ourselves to believe.
You need to stop believing these lies. Get solid accountability and then work on your sobriety, when you do this the shame and guilt will start to go away. You have to know and be able to accept God’s unconditional love as well.
Hey guys, so I’ve been having a bit of trouble ever since 8th grade maybe with looking at bad pictures or videos online. It hasn’t really been like hardcore porn, its more like a few naked girls here or there, stuff like that. I know that all of this stuff is bad, but i’m just having a hard time with it because it always comes back. and it starts out pretty simple, like I’ll be checking out a new movie or something and reading the cast members and then I see a hot actress and I eventually get trapped and go from there on to worse things. It starts small but gets worse and worse every time. I’m worried about having a real relationship with someone someday because this problem keeps resurfacing. Like how can someone have a real, true, deep, loving relationship with a girl while being polluted by lustful sins all the time? I just wanted to share this with you guys because sharing with other people is therapeutic from what I’ve heard and because I want to destroy this sin, but it is so difficult. I want to try one of those accountability websites but they all cost money… something i’m a bit short on. are there any sites that have the same purpose as some of the other sites you’ve mentioned in other responses that are free? Thanks for listening and keep me in your prayers please.
We understand that this is a tough battle that you are going through right now and you need to get it under control with being such a young age. Admitting to the fact that you have and addiction to this is one of the first steps.
Confess this to God and tell Him that you want to change and that you want for Him to send people in your life who will help you win this fight. He will hear your pray and He is a powerful God but, He will not just come down here and stop it for you. He will provide you the tools and the resources but, He wants you to step and do this thing.
After you have talked to God about this find someone right away that you know who can be your accountability partner. Someone who you see often and will have the ability to hold you accountable at all costs. Being your age I would suggest it be someone who is your elder and will be able to provide good mature counsel on this issue. This can be someone from your church, family member, and maybe even your parents. I know this step is tough but, you have to do this if you want to get free from this. You will not be able to do this on your own.
After you have an accountability partner you need to sit down with them and build a plan figure out what your triggers are and how they affect you. Get accountability software. If the internet or mobile devices are you hang up and this is where you turn to get your porn, get accountability and filter software right away and get this covered. We have a great program called X3 Watch that you could use for this. Set up a meeting schedule to meet with your accountability partner to discuss how things are going and if you are following your sobriety plan that you have developed with them.
Do not think this will go away over night; you have trained your brain to need this crap and you will need to train your brain that it is not needed and that it will hurt you. Celebrate small victories and do not give up if there are stumbles, keep going and dig in for the fight. Please know that you are not alone in this and that God loves you so much. He will never remove His love for you because of what you did, are doing, or might do during your recovery. We are here praying for you and know that you can do this.
Just like most guys out there I have struggle with porn since I can remember. I still have yet to overcome this struggle, and I am ready to overcome this struggle and be done with it. I have been dating my girlfriend for over 2 years now, I plan on marrying this girl. She knows that I struggle with this, my main question would be how much do I tell her? Is there a line or do I just be completely honest with her even though it will hurt her? She is also just confused because she doesnt know what to do about it. She basically doesnt know what her role is in this. Does she help? or does she not? I told her I really do not know so that would be my second question, what would a girlfriends role in this type of situation be? Any information that you could give me would be very helpful. I have read plenty of articles on this website and relevant magazine. I just cant seem to find out what people are saying about what the girlfriend role is. Thanks, Jacob
Jacob,
If you plan to marry this girl you need to let her know everything and bring it all out into the open. You do not want to go into to a marriage with this baggage. As for how she can help and how much, I would seek out someone who is an elder to you and can hold you accountable. This should be someone you see or can see every so often who will be willing to hold you feet to the fire if need be. You can keep you girl in the loop but, your accountability should be from someone else, you do not want to feel like she is constantly looking over your back nor does she want to feel like she has to.
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