Frequently Asked Questions.

Pornography & masturbation

I need help. I clearly remember masturbating at the age of 3 or 4.. Yes, I can’t understand it neither.. Nor did I understand it at the time. But it’s been this hell of a journey everysince then.. I haven’t stopped, it has just gotten worse. At the age of about 13 when the internet fever started, so did pornography.
Oh & I forgot to mention I have grown up in church & now in my 20s I have been having a delightful relationship with God.. I love being in his presence and growing spiritually.. But there has always been this struggle of mine, and it always pulled me back. I was able to stop for a year after I had an amazing encounter with God and promised I would stop.. A year later I failed him once again. It was so heartbreaking because I thought I had finally overcome this addiction.. And everytime I mess up again I feel that I will NEVER overcome this.. And it kills me inside. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.. I need help. Thank you.

Have you visited out start here section?  There are so many resources there and suggestions for first steps.

You are not alone and freedom IS possible but you have to put the right things in place.  Check out those resources and really pursue freedom by being proactive in setting up the right boundaries, accountability and steps.

Best wishes.


Today before leading worship in Church together, Christian boyfriend, of 3 months, told me that he had been viewing porn earlier that morning. It was a massive shock to me and I feel very hurt as it feels like he has committed adultery. I have been praying about it since. I have immediately forgiven him and refuse to judge him as we are all fallen sinners. We are deeply in love with each other despite the fact we have been together for only a short time. We spend time together everyday and have developed a very strong bond already. I am certain this is the man God wants me to marry. I can’t imagine being without him.

However, I don’t know how to approach talking to him about this subject? I’m not sure how to respond and handle this. Is this a marriage-dealer breaker? Am I not honouring myself, God by staying in this relationship? What implications could this have on our future marriage? What can I do to suuport him and help him overcome this struggle and find freedom in victory over sin? I believe in Gods power to transform our lives, but I am very scared about the future.


As a woman who once had a boyfriend who served on the worship team who was also using porn and who ironically was OK with crossing boundaries with me…I want to say RUN.   As a woman who got engaged to that same man and he was still on the worship team, still using porn and we were still crossing lines, I want to say RUN… Of course in my ignorance I thought we could beat this thing together and once we got married and could have “permissible sex”, the marriage bed would take care of this beast called pornography.  Oh I was so naive.

So as a woman who dealt with it for 13 years until my husband finally chose the world (which of course I would have never imagined because of course my dream was freedom and then us being used in ministry together to help others break free of the same bondage)  I want to say R U N…    As a woman on this team here at XXXchurch that sees this every single day destroying men, women and marriages, I want to say RUN… and not because I think your boyfriend is awful or not able to overcome.  I say it because I know it is a long haul- rarely instantaneous and you must be prepared to handle the roller-coaster ride that it can tend to be.

Here are some things I would say are a must if you choose to stay:

  1. Open discussion with pastor and or church leadership about the pornography your boyfriend is dealing with.
  2. If you stay you need to work on you and remember you are choosing to stay so you can’t remain a victim.   It’s not healthy for you or for him to be viewed as the one who was ‘cheated on’.    This is about him and God.   I understand you love him but this is his issue to deal with and if you try to do it for him or you continue to make it about you every time he fails you will hinder his process of healing and freedom and you will stifle yourself.
  3. Accountability for both of you and your relationship.   Allow others in the church and in your sphere of influence to speak into your lives.

I know this is going to sound harsh to you because when someone tried to tell me the same I was angry… “they just didn’t know him or our love”.

They were right all along and had I listened to their counsel I would have saved myself and my love a ton and a half of heartache and probably 15 years of our lives.

Pornography and pornography addiction  CAN be overcome in one’s life  but the person needs to put all the right things in place and do their part– they have to want it more than you want it for them.   We have an abundance of resources on the main areas of  I would recommend you both start in the start here section.

Best wishes.


Pornography addiction

I have had a pornography and masturbation addiction since the age of thirteen, it has been my biggest struggle. I have been in church my whole life but I have never asked for help. I want to be set free from this addiction and I know that Jesus can do that, I just need help on how to start and what steps I need to take.

Thank you.

Kudos to you for taking the first step– admitting there is a problem.  Step two begins with action.

I would highly recommend that you go to our START HERE page and seek out the best scenario that fits your situation and download the suggested resources as there are so many.   Spend time reading through the blogs as well as the comments because you will see that you are not alone in this battle.



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