Questions

My wife and I are a Christian couple that have been married for 19 years. We rarely have sex. (Her choice, not mine.) She has no interest, whatsoever. I, on the other hand, have a sex drive that words can’t describe, and always have, since I hit puberty. I have tried many times to express my God-given desire and need to have sex. She admits that she’s “a bad wife” and she will try to do better, but it never happens. Sex was less than expected when we got married (we waited) and now an 18 month wait is not uncommon, so I essentially do not have sex. Sometimes she does assist me with something other than intercourse, but even though it physically helps, it still leaves a longing for the intimate connection that only a husband and wife can share. She does not want to seek counseling, while I do. Our marriage is fairly healthy, otherwise. I believe what the bible says about our bodies belonging to each other, so I believe she is wrong by keeping herself from me. I also realize that porn/masturbation/extra-marital affair cannot be justified by her behavior. Generally, I do well, keeping myself from porn, but every once in a great while, the hunger I feel is unbearable and a binge occurs. I have never had an affair on her. The only person I have talked to about this is my family doctor when I was seeking something to dampen my sexual desire, but she says the problem is with my wife, not me. I have made it 19 years, but fear that it will eventually take a toll on our marriage. Any thoughts? [I have seen in other posted questions where you have taken it upon yourselves to contact a local pastor or counselor. I feel you really over-step your boundaries by doing so, so please do not do this in my case. I am contacting you to keep this private and simply want some Christian advice. Thank you.]

Hello! I’m getting married soon but my fiancee has been addicted to porn since he was a teen (he is now 27). Always in our relationship we have been fighting with his addiction. Finally, a few months ago after i broke up with him cause i found porn in his cellphone, he looked for help with our pastors and he is in treatment. He was supposed to be “tech-free” no computer, cell with internet, ps3, etc, (he gave me all of his gadgets) until March 2013 when his treatment is supposed to end. In that process i found shemale porn in the history web (from before he had started treatment) of his ps3, i asked him why he didn’t tell me about that and he said he was ashamed and embarrassed. I was really hurt, i felt less womanly and i thought he had gay inclination. He continued treatment and he is still is. About 2 weeks ago, he bought a new laptop and i’m really worried. I’m always checking the history browser but thank God i haven’t found anything… yet. He hasn’t tell the pastor about it and told me no to tell anything. He says that he is recovered and his problem with porn its because he’s not self-confidence. I think he is getting this lightly and, frankly, im worried that he is gonna relapsed. I don’t know what im gonna do if he relapse again. What can i do?? Please HELP!!!

The time that I am most vulnerable to temptation is at night. I have insomnia, and it can take me hours to fall asleep. Throughout the night I will wake up periodically and then struggle to get back to sleep again. During these times that I lay awake I am constantly bombarded with lustful thoughts. In the middle of the night my body is tired, my mind is weak, and I often find myself entertaining these thoughts. So my question is: how do I best defend myself during such a time? Any advice would really help as this is a time at which my defenses are lowered, and I am more susceptible to temptation. Thanks