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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
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My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We have an amazing relationship! Our love life is great as well. We have a 1 year old daughter who is our world. My husband is a marine and was deployed for our daughters birth and has struggled with a relationship with her since. Our relationship after deployment was difficult but we have moved past that. It has been 10 months since he came home and just recently we switched mobile phones to phone with internet. After having the phones for 4 months I caught my husband with porn on his phone! I asked him about it and he lied and said he hadn’t been watching it. We talked about this and I informed him that I felt that porn was as bad as cheating. He promised he would never do it again. I found it a second time and that is when I tried to sit him down and find out why. He said it started back up during deployment. He said it wouldn’t happen again. That is when I started to dig a little deeper. I found it on our lap top as well. I’m lost for ideas. If I bring it up he gets mad. If I leave it be I tear myself up. What can I do or say to him? How can I help him?
Bailey,
I am sorry to hear that you and your husband are going through this. We have seen this a lot with soldiers who go away for deployment. Many of them have used porn as a way to relieve their sexual tension while away from their loved ones.
It sounds like you have spoken with your husband already about this and that it did not go to well the last time. I know that you may not want to hear this but, you need to sit down with him again and talk about this. Now I do not know the surrounding conditions with your last conversation but, I am going to assume it got heated and their may have been some yelling involved.
Here is what I would suggest for you to try:
Plan a time where you know the two of you will have some time together and there is nothing else on the schedule. Find someone to watch your kids for you so they are not around during this conversation. The children do not need to be a part of this as well.
Sit down with your husband and just tell him that you want to talk about this and that it needs to be a talk about what is going on and not an argument. Be honest with him and tell him how this makes you feel and why. Also be open and listen to him and find out why he does it. Also find out how you can help him to stop looking at porn and offer up suggestions like filters and finding an accountability partner with accountability software to help him out.
I would then also suggest that it may be wise to seek counsel from someone on your church staff as well. They should be able to point you in the right direction if you need to seek marriage counseling or others who know where you are at and can walk with you during this time.
One other area to seek help would be from the military. I know for a fact that many of our soldirs deal with this and they have sought the help of the counsolers on base for this.
Please know that you are not alone in this battle and that we are praying for you, your husband, and your marriage.
Can a person who is having porn addiction problem continue to serve God in church? Or should he just stop servicing cos God dislike sin?
Jason,
I would suggest that there may need to be some time to take a step back and make sure you get yourself right first. You should take the time to get this problem under control and squared away before continuing in your role at church.
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