Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

sex

I don’t mean to sond like a pervert but I have a question that NEEDS an answer and I think this is the only place I can ask it. When my husband and I were dating, and when I found him looking at porn 2 yrs ago, we had anal sex. Now, as I’m begining to have a healthier attitude twords sex, I dont want to anymore. It hurts and I think it’s degrading. Lately he keeps asking for it and asking if he can put other things there. It makes me feel like having normal sex with me isn’t good enough for him. I’m afraid that if I don’t do it he’ll start looking at porn again. (He has an i phone so I know he has access to porn 24/7) 🙁 When I explain this to him he dosen’t listen.What do I do?

You need to have a conversation with him and let him know that you do not like this and that you did it before for all the wrong reasons. Be open and honest with him and let him know of your fears that he might go back to looking at porn again. Suggest to him the X3 Watch app for his IPhone as well.

Open communication in your relationship is huge for this type of an issue.

porn

I had lunch with a christian brother today,hes my accountability partner through all this,porn and homosexual thoughts struggle which were birthed out of self esteem at around 17. Im going to see a counsellor next week thats a Christian and real good. He said as I do,its going to become very rough,as things come out and so forth. What he said that got me was.. that all this was affecting my relationship with him and my parents and people I know,but I didnt know it yet. How so?

The relationship that you have with porn will pull you away from the relationships you have with others. As you get more and more into porn you will see that you will change how you plan social activities and other events around your viewing. It may not be all the time but, you will find yourself doing it.

I think what they are saying is that as you dive into your problem you will see that porn has drawn you away more and more from your real relationships.

Porn addiction

My question is how can I stop this addiction. I don’t want it running over into my up coming marraige.

From here you need to talk to someone about this and get accountability with your struggles. Sit down and develop a plan to cut this sin right at the knees. Place accountability software on your computer, mobile phone, and/or your mobile devices. We suggest X3 Watch for accountability software which you can download for free at www.x3watch.com. You should also place a filter on your computer as well. We suggest www.safeeyes.com. This would be like having an alarm on your house and then locking the door with both of these on your computer. When you do get a filter you should have your accountability partner set the password so that you can not just change it when you want to look at porn.


You have to remove this from your life completely. Get rid of any movies, pictures, files, or any item with adult content. Destroy it and be done with it but, when you destroy it do it in a way that will not allow for this to get into someone else’s hands. If the filters and accountability software will not work then you may have to take drastic measures and remove your computer, get an older phone without Internet, or remove the Internet from your computer. It all

comes down to completely removing it and the temptation from your life.


All too often we work on our habits of viewing porn instead of the reasons why we view porn. You need to get down to the root issues of why you go back to it and keep doing so. This may take some time and effort to discover this. But through talking with people about this or your accountability partner you will begin to see areas of your life, your past, and items that trigger your porn use. I strongly recommend counseling for this as they can really get there a lot faster than we can by providing great tools to deal with the items that arise.


Everyone is different but, a few things that I have found that worked in my recovery and from other I want to share with you.


Dive into the word daily. Spend time with God and find out what you have been missing and He will show you things you may nit have before.


Track your day and see when you’re most prone to look at porn. From here developed a daily plan to counter attack these temptations based on your observation of your own patterns.


Discover your triggers. When you look back and think of when you were most venerable, what was going on at the time? Were you stressed out, tires, bored, angry, or lonely? These are some of the key triggers for people and you need to locate them and be aware of it. When you notice your trigger topic happening you then need to react and move away from it. It may take sometime to notice and be aware of it but, this is very important.


Share with others: this can also be tough to do but, it will help you grow and heal faster. Also we know how lonely this feels to be trapped like this to porn. We also know that when others see that there is someone else who has been through it or going through it they are more willing to seek help or talk about it. You never know this could be a start to a small group of people who meet and hold each other accountable.


Please know that you are not alone in this and that you can work through this. Yes; it will not be easy but it can be done. We are here for you and praying for you.

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