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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
I was first exposed to porn around 3rd grade, and had an on and off addiction from around then to the beginning of this year. (11-12 years) In November of 2011 I started dating. For the past several years, before dating my current girlfriend, I had really wanted to quit looking at porn. It was a secret sin in my life that only my dad, youth pastor, and brother knew about and none of them really kept me accountable. I had been addicted for a long time, but never brought it to the light to got it fixed and dealt with. With this relationship I wanted to take it serious because I really liked this girl and was dating with the intentions of marriage. Through time I had to talk to her about my heart breaking thoughts I was having to battle about her not being good enough. This obviously crushed her and when I told her this I had to confess of my past of porn addiction and lust addiction (hooking up with other girls). She was definitely crushed, but she found it in her heart to forgive me and continue dating. Fast forward a bit and we have now been dating 1 year and 2 months. She knows about 100% of my sexual past/sin/pain and had shown me grace, forgiveness, and love. She still accepts me and wants to get married. Through this i have quit looking at porn and have been away from it for almost a year, but I feel a lot of the effects of it are still present. Anything from my mind demeaning and thinking lustfully of girls walking by, to having to fight looking at other girls, to control random lustful thoughts/memories. One thing I’ve also had to battle is wanting something else. I really love her with all my heart, but sometimes I can get into comparing and thinking she isn’t as beautiful as she truly is. It is completely selfish, because she is gorgeous, my best friend, and has been the single most helpful and loving person in nursing me back to help with my lust addiction. Is this normal? How do I combat these thoughts? How do I quit comparing and being selfish?
Joshua,
The images ae normal and they will decrease over time the further you get away from looking at porn. I would also suggest looking into getting someone other than her to be your accountability partner. This person should be someone who you see often and is willing and able to ask you the tough questions. You need to get solid accountability in your life with this.
Also make sure that you do not allow for there to even be one door open still that you can access this stuff with. If you do leave this open you will fall, I promise this. You have to attack this like a battle going into war.
Hi I’m recently married and have not had a problem with watching porn like I used to before I was married. But now sex with my wife is so hard. My mind races for images and videos I’ve seen and I’m never able to perform like I “should” and it really REALLY discourages me to the point that I believe I’m malfunctioning or worse incabable of ever performing normally. I really don’t want to go to therepy. Do you think with time I’ll be desensitized enough to enjoy sex like God made it or will I always be “ruined” and unable to function properly? Do you think you guys could pray that I get better? So I can give my wife the intimacy she deserves. iSax
Isaac,
Yes, we will pray for you and your wife as you have asked. I also do believe that you can have a sex life as God has designed it for us but, there appears to still need to be healing in your recovery from your viewing of porn.
I would also suggest maybe thinking about going to a counselor with your wife for this as well and see if you can come up with any other items that might be causing this.
I don’t watch porn, however i do masturbate. When i do I try to keep my mind clear and not thing about sexual acts, but sometimes i do. Could i stop if i wanted to, no i cant, i tried. I tried finding more information about masturbating in the bible however i cant. Is masturbating wrong in a christian lifestyle? If so other then praying what are some things i can do to help stop my masturbating habits? Thank you
Our stance is simply this: you want to live a life that is honoring to God then start pleasing him and stop pleasing yourself. Stop making excuses and get some control over your life. Yes, it is tough. Yes, we know hormones are raging. However, God is calling us to holiness. Live an extraordinary life. Masturbation will leave you hanging every time! It is a selfish act that pleases no one but YOU. God created sex to be between a man and his wife. Not a man and his girlfriend and not a man or woman with himself or herself.
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