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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Hi, I’m a typical Christian teenage guy, and I’ve been trying to find the right answer to my question for a while but I keep getting alternate views and I’m wondering your opinion. I’ve watched porn before, on occasion, but I wouldn’t say I’m addicted. I hate it when I do, but sometimes I fall into temptation. The question is: is masturbation okay? My personal belief is that it is a lesser of two evil to porn but both should be avoided, though I’ve met people who are totally against it and people who think it is unavoidable. What do you think?
What is XXXchurch’s stance on masturbation?
We have had literally thousands of emails about this particular issue. We have heard all the scenarios. “Well if I think about fruit while I’m masturbating, then that is not a sin.” Well isn’t that clever. Or…”If I’m giving glory to the Lord while I’m doing it, then that can’t be wrong.” Hmmm. Why don’t we just make that part of our Sunday morningspan> services then? We have heard all the Pro-masturbation Christian arguments and we wonder if these people are dealing in reality. It’s all very intellectual and quite scholarly, but we still don’t get it. Sorry.
Our stance is simply this: you want to live a life that is honoring to God then start pleasing him and stop pleasing yourself. Stop making excuses and get some control over your life. Yes, it is tough. Yes, we know hormones are raging. However, God is calling us to holiness. Live an extraordinary life. Masturbation will leave you hanging every time! It is a selfish act that pleases no one but YOU. God created sex to be between a man and his wife. Not a man and his girlfriend and not a man or woman with himself or herself.
Hi, I was wondering about purpose. I’m a college sophomore and I am in a lot of situations involving girls that turn sour. I just don’t seem to see women as a gift in any way. I see them more as distracting, annoying, hateful, and an overall test that I have to deal with constantly. It’s like I love girls, but hate girls. I have dated very little, am a virgin, and do believe in saving sex for marriage. However, I am surrounded by so many half-dressed females that sometimes my eyes feel on fire, my mind feels rotten, and I feel all kinds of crazy. For the most part, girls tend to not notice me as I’m more quiet and keep to myself. I am trying my best to not be phazed by them and not lust, but it is hard. I have had fights because of lust (indirectly), all of my roommates have had sex, and frankly, what makes waiting so good? Why do I have to deal with the same bull from females as the next guy and NOT get laid? Obeying God doesn’t do much for me here, and I’m surrounded by women I can’t touch. Also, the temptations of porn and masturbation are there. Frankly, I see girls as THE problem. So exactly how are girls any good with regards to my situation right now?
James,
You are probably right about your current situation as far as what are they good for right now. It appears that your mind is focusing on the physical and sexual manner instead of the community aspect and that will change your view of girls.
I would really focus and working on the friendships that you can have with these girls. Instead of putting so much attention on what they are doing and what they are wearing turn that attention to yourself and focus on your relationship with God and how you are living your life for Him and what needs to change.
I am a porn addict and the act have lead me to mastarbation, i have tried to put stop to it for about 4 years but my efforts have failed successively and just don’t know what to do. I just discovered this xxxchurch that have helped many people to come out. How can i be helped?
I fully understand your struggles and your situation right now. I use to be in the exact same spot at one time in my life. Over the last five years of my sobriety I have found so many new things out in regards to my recovery and honestly others as well.
You have already figured out the first couple of steps in your recovery with admitting your struggle, confessing it, and getting accountability. But, the one thing and I find to be the biggest thing for people is there seems to be a lack of what we call “Real Change”. You seem to exhibit the signs of what we call “White Knuckle Change”.
White Knuckle Change: Is the most common types of change that we see and the least successful type of change. This type of change happens when we have to make a change in our habits based on either getting caught or just a realization that we have to stop this and we say “I have to stop this” or “I will quite right now”. Typically this is followed by us removing adult content we have and maybe telling someone about it and the placing accountability software on our computers. These are all good things but, this is where most people stop and bring on the White Knuckle affect. Things go good for a while; maybe a month, two months, or even weeks. Temptation creeps in and we fight it for a while all the while clinching our fists say “no I will not give in I will not look at it”. (Hence the white knuckles) But, after time we give in to the temptation and look only to start the cycle once more.
strong>Real Change: This type of change is the most successful and solid type of change in recovery. Real Change cover more steps and takes you further into what this struggle is and why you do it. The first step is understanding why we look at this stuff and understanding the physiology of how our brains work in regards to addiction.
Once you have figured this the next thing is abstinence and removing this sin from your life. Being able to recognize and avoid sexual sin. What are your triggers, what type of environments set your trigger off, and what are your emotional triggers. This is a big key to figuring out a game plan to avoid your weak points and moving away from them or at least recognizing them and being prepared to move away from the temptation.
The third step and sometime hardest thing to do is acceptance of unconditional love. Not allowing your guilt and shame to dictate who you are or how you allow Christ and others to love you. Starting to recognize your lack of truth, self trust and boundaries. After accepting this you have to then put this to work.
Building this plan and sticking with it works and will work as long as you dedicate yourself to it. With real change you go back to the last step you where at and restart because you now understand why and how. With the white knuckle change you always fall back into the sin you where trying to get away from.
Do not think for one second that you are alone in this, because you are not. And remember there is nothing you can do that will take away the love of Christ for you. We are praying for you and your next step in recovery.
span style=”border-collapse: separate; color: #000000; font-family: Tahoma; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-size: medium;”>Another way to get good accountability and a safe place to do it is with an X3 Groups Online group. You can find out more about it at www.X3groups.com It is a great program.
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