Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

Masterbation

I do not have an addiction to porn but rather a addiction to making love to my wife of nearly 20 years. My problem is my sexual desires do not match hers. I have always believed that masterbation is a sin but my wife would like me to use it to “give her a day off”. and also says that as long as my thoughts are only of her there is no sin in the action of masterbation. I am lucky that I have a amazing wife that wants me to fill in the off days but I am not sure if it is ok in Gods eyes. Please let me know John

John,

God created sex a s gift for a man and his wife. When you remove one of those and allow for masturbation to takes it place you are lossing the true reason God created this, oneness. He created this to bring the two of you together and when you masturbate you are creating a wedge between the two of you and filling yourselfish needs.

You may think tha this would not cause a wedge but, I promise you it will. There is work involved with a relationship and sex. that is all part of it. But with masturbation you are only give yourself and option to not do that work and you will find that over time you will choose the path of lest resistance. It will become a road block in your marriage.

Pornography

I feel addicted and ashamed after each session I have with myself watching porn. I know God is watching, I know that he died on the cross for the very thing I am doing yet I still watch porn and masturbate. I am a college student that needs to be more concerend with his school work at the same time I feel like a hypocrite for praying to God that He gets me into the school I dream to attend and that he helps me with what I think is good for me when I am someone who watches pronography. My question is will God answer my prayers even though I indulge in this habit? I feel that all of this masturbation and porn is the reason why I feel like an introvert (Besides the fact that I am a Biology major student taking 19 credit hours of work) I feel really awkward in social settings, I was never this way. When I SEE a beautiful girl on the internet I pass it off like its nothing. But, when I see a beautiful girl in REAL life I feel nervous to approach her and talk to her. I use this example because I feel that porn has ruined my confidence levels around women. This leads to my next question, does porn have an affect on meeting new people? –Thanks!

From here you need to talk to someone about this and get accountability with your struggles. Sit down and develop a plan to cut this sin right at the knees. Place accountability software on your computer, mobile phone, and/or your mobile devices. We suggest X3 Watch for accountability software which you can download for free at www.x3watch.com. You should also place a filter on your computer as well. We suggest www.safeeyes.com. This would be like having an alarm on your house and then locking the door with both of these on your computer. When you do get a filter you should have your accountability partner set the password so that you can not just change it when you want to look at porn.
Another way to get good accountability and a safe place to do it is with an X3 Groups Online group. You can find out more about it at www.X3groups.com It is a great program.
You have to remove this from your life completely. Get rid of any movies, pictures, files, or any item with adult content. Destroy it and be done with it but, when you destroy it do it in a way that will not allow for this to get into someone else’s hands. If the filters and accountability software will not work then you may have to take drastic measures and remove your computer, get an older phone without Internet, or remove the Internet from your computer. It all comes down to completely removing it and the temptation from your life.
All too often we work on our habits of viewing porn instead of the reasons why we view porn. You need to get down to the root issues of why you go back to it and keep doing so. This may take some time and effort to discover this. But through talking with people about this or your accountability partner you will begin to see areas of your life, your past, and items that trigger your porn use. I strongly recommend counseling for this as they can really get there a lot faster than we can by providing great tools to deal with the items that arise.
Everyone is different but, a few things that I have found that worked in my recovery and from other I want to share with you.
Dive into the word daily. Spend time with God and find out what you have been missing and He will show you things you may not have before.
Track your day and see when you’re most prone to look at porn. From here developed a daily plan to counter attack these temptations based on your observation of your own patterns.
Discover your triggers. When you look back and think of when you were most venerable, what was going on at the time? Were you stressed out, tires, bored, angry, or lonely? These are some of the key triggers for people and you need to locate them and be aware of it. When you notice your trigger topic happening you then need to react and move away from it. It may take sometime to notice and be aware of it but, this is very important.
Share with others: this can also be tough to do but, it will help you grow and heal faster. Also we know how lonely this feels to be trapped like this to porn. We also know that when others see that there is someone else who has been through it or going through it they are more willing to seek help or talk about it. You never know this could be a start to a small group of people who meet and hold each other accountable.
Please know that you are not alone in this and that you can work through this. Yes; it will not be easy but it can be done. We are here for you and praying for you.

Email Partners

I was told by a friend that i could come here and set up with a person like an email accountability thing that if i went to something that i dont need to be on or any thing like that they would know and help me. How do i set that up?

Please visit www.x3watch.com for the program. Thanks

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