Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

Marriage; Sexual Addiction

I have been married for nearly a year and a half now with a 1 year old daughter. My wife and I are going through a bit of a rough patch right now and we have some things to help. However, I struggle with porn online. Almost every chance I get online where there is privacy I look at it. She does not know that I look at porn or that I have ever had a problem with it. I have been this way for several years and I still have not been able to end my addiction. I love my family and I want to be the Christian father and husband God called me to be but I truly believe that my addiction is a major problem holding me back for being just that. I do not have any other males close enough to me for an accountability partner. Many of the males I was close to have moved away so any communication I have is over the internet which is way to easy for me to ignore. I feel like I should tell me wife what is going on but I know that by doing so, she would want a divorce. She has already stated she has thought about it and me telling her would be the “last straw” and my marriage would be over. Any suggestions?

How do you stop?

I have had a problem with porn and masterbation for several years. I filtered all of my computers and phones so I can’t access porn. But my body is still desiring the masterbation. How do I stop or control this? This is something I haven’t really talked to a lot of people about except my father who is kinda of like my accountability partner. But I am getting older and I just want to get past this. About once a week my body starts to crave that release and I end up giving in just to make it stop. What do I do? I don’t want to drag this into any future relationships. Thanks, David

struggling again

I stop watching porn for almost a year and half. Now im struggling again. i gave my life to Christ 2 years ago. last week i confess but im hurting God again… I hate this deep urge how do i get pass this and stop hurting my Lord???!!! im anger with myself. im married with a sweet child. so shameful that i do this when i have a beautiful wife and loving child….

From here you need to talk to someone about this and get accountability with your struggles. Sit down and develop a plan to cut this sin right at the knees. Place accountability software on your computer, mobile phone, and/or your mobile devices. We suggest X3 Watch for accountability software which you can download for free at www.x3watch.com. You should also place a filter on your computer as well. We suggest www.safeeyes.com. This would be like having an alarm on your house and then locking the door with both of these on your computer. When you do get a filter you should have your accountability partner set the password so that you can not just change it when you want to look at porn.
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You have to remove this from your life completely. Get rid of any movies, pictures, files, or any item with adult content. Destroy it and be done with it but, when you destroy it do it in a way that will not allow for this to get into someone else’s hands. If the filters and accountability software will not work then you may have to take drastic measures and remove your computer, get an older phone without Internet, or remove the Internet from your computer. It all
comes down to completely removing it and the temptation from your life.
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All too often we work on our habits of viewing porn instead of the reasons why we view porn. You need to get down to the root issues of why you go back to it and keep doing so. This may take some time and effort to discover this. But through talking with people about this or your accountability partner you will begin to see areas of your life, your past, and items that trigger your porn use. I strongly recommend counseling for this as they can really get there a lot faster than we can by providing great tools to deal with the items that arise.
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Everyone is different but, a few things that I have found that worked in my recovery and from other I want to share with you.
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Dive into the word daily. Spend time with God and find out what you have been missing and He will show you things you may not have before.
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Track your day and see when you’re most prone to look at porn. From here developed a daily plan to counter attack these temptations based on your observation of your own patterns.
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Discover your triggers. When you look back and think of when you were most venerable, what was going on at the time? Were you stressed out, tires, bored, angry, or lonely? These are some of the key triggers for people and you need to locate them and be aware of it. When you notice your trigger topic happening you then need to react and move away from it. It may take sometime to notice and be aware of it but, this is very important.
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Share with others: this can also be tough to do but, it will help you grow and heal faster. Also we know how lonely this feels to be trapped like this to porn. We also know that when others see that there is someone else who has been through it or going through it they are more willing to seek help or talk about it. You never know this could be a start to a small group of people who meet and hold each other accountable.
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Please know that you are not alone in this and that you can work through this. Yes; it will not be easy but it can be done. We are here for you and praying for you.

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Resources

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