Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

How much do you tell a girlfriend?

Hi there, I’ve been struggling for a while now, but thanks to your software and a website filter (that I don’t have the password for) things have become a lot easier! I’m accountable to a couple of friends of mine and although porn itself is not so much an issue the images in my head are still a struggle. The problem is that after telling my girlfriend that I still struggle she freaked out a bit and now blames everything on herself. I’m aware that she needs a mentor type figure in her life but her church isn’t supporting her in that even though she’s asked, and that leaves me as her mentor in a problem that I’ve caused! In the long term I know that she needs to seek help and we’re still looking into that, but in the short term I’m faced with a big dilemma; do I keep telling her when I lose control or not? It’s infrequent, but when it happens it destroys her and she can’t deal with it at all. However I said I would let her know when it happens because she asked me to. I feel like she has a right to know, but at the same time I feel like she shouldn’t! Thanks

Dude, you need to get your own accountability and it should not be her. She does not need to be remnded of this and should not be the one to hold you accountable. You need to find someone whom you trust and allow them to be the on to do this. She should have the right to ask you questions but, she does not need to be or should be your direct accounatbility partner.

And yes, she needs to find someone to help her and metor her through this. And you are not the one for these either. She needs this to come from another women who can support her, guide her, and pray for her.

Masturbation

My wife and I have been married almost 5 years. In the first couple years I was wrapped up in porn and found freedom through confession, accountability, and of course Jesus Christ. Being a man, my thought process is that masturbation is always driven by lust. And a woman’s sex drive is driven by emotions and connection. I just found out my wife masturbates on a regular basis (once a week). My mind is having a difficult time processing this. She says she has no lust, just feels good. Is this possible? I’m feeling a little insecure and I just keep thinking about how much my addiction hurt her in the beginning years of our marriage, and I’m just thinking crazy stuff and find myself getting angry and then insecure. Is it natural for married women to masturbate? Can women masturbate without lust? Should I feel hurt or not? Thanks, Dave

Dave – Have you talked to her about how this makes you feel? The thing is her masturbation is a sin and is wrong the same way as it is for you. She is taking something away from your sexual relationship with this.

Sex is an act that is ment for the two of you to share not something to use as an individule.

You need to talk to her and let her know how this i smaking you feel and that it is getting in the way of the two of yours relastionship. Be honest with here and talk to her do not yell or turn this into a fight.

Marriage and Sexuality

I am a recovering pornography addict, and I was curious, I have been fantasizing more and more about my wife. I have been porn free for 4 weeks, and I wanted to know if this is a healthy fantasy or unhealthy? I want to always do whats right in God’s eyes and treat her with respect.