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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
I’ve struggled with addiction to masturbation from a young age but never named it to myself or to anyone else until college. It was then that I confessed to sisters in Christ and had some really good accountability. However, the accountability relationship kind of disappeared towards the end of college and I succumbed to the temptation to masturbate again. I also viewed porn for the first time and believe I’m now addicted to that. Now, I work with a Christian organization and feel like I have no where to turn. I’m being crushed under the weight of shame (which I know isn’t of the Lord but I still listen to–blah!) and trying to keep this mask on. I’m terrified of telling any of my female coworkers because I’m terrified of being let go from my job which I’ve dreamed of doing since freshman year. I have no idea where to turn to or what to do because I feel like I’ve created insurmountable barriers between myself and God, that perhaps I’ve messed up so many times that He is leaving me to my sin now and allowing my heart to harden. I try to abstain (in my own power so obviously that’s not gonna succeed) but then I succumb again. Does this mean I’m not truly repentant? Help!
Hey Brittany,
I think it means you are human and have some struggles. But you DO indeed need accountability. Consider joining an X3group for women if you don’t feel safe enough in your own circle.
I can also send you a great book if you’ll read it?
Michelle
I am going thru counseling at the moment for pornography and other issues. it is going alright. My friend suggest that I come here to get support from other woman and set up accountability partner. And some computer software to help me be more accountable. Where do I start. I taken the quiz… I just feel so at lost… and want to move on forward and continue to grow and be what God wants me to be.
Hi Courtney,
You can learn more about the X3groups at X3groups.com and you can email [email protected] if you have specific questions about the groups for women.
The X3watch accountability software can be found at X3watch.com
The X3pure workshops for women can be found at X3pure.com
And we have an abundance of free resources in the Women’s section of XXXchurch.com
You are definitely not alone. God bless you in your journey!
Hi, my husband and I have been married for 3 years–today actually. He is truly a wonderful incredible person who adores me. But I have been suspicious about him watching/looking at porn during our entire relationship but decided it was my own paranoias. I was raped in college by a boyfriend who also cheated on me, and thus had a lot of insecurities and issues from. I always thought that I was being jealous and paranoid and never said anything to my husband. But I came home from a weekend trip yesterday to a porn site with explicit photos up on my computer screen. I asked about it, he admitted it and was deeply apologetic and told me he doesn’t look often, but it’s always been a problem for him. The whole experience has crushed me and really set me back in my healing from my past and I don’t really know how to cope with this. If he’s telling the truth and this is a rare thing, is it worth getting so worked up over or is it all stemming from my past?
Thanks for your question. I’m glad you researched help for the wife and found us.
A couple of things I want to point out.
1. Your past and the issues that happened there are for you and God to deal with and have nothing to do with your husband’s behavior with porn (although terribly disappointing and hurtful) but clearly can set off all kinds of emotions triggering recollection and familiare feelings of hurt, rejection, abandonment and pain. When a spouse marries, s/he take a vow to forsake all others and when something like this is discovered it breaks trust. If the affected spouse is already suffering with self-esteem issues or things in the past that have not been really dealt with then yes- it sets all of that on fire all over again.
2. Your husband needs to deal with this regardless if it is only an occasional thing because he has admitted its been a long-time “struggle” (regardless of the frequency) AND it is troublesome to you– therefore it is not going to help your marriage or foster the type of integrity in intimacy that you need and deserve.
We have X3groups running strong if you think your husband would be willing to commit to a weekly call or internet chat with a group of men who are dealing with the same issues. Pure Life Ministries offers more in depth counseling including a live-in program for men and an at home counseling program for wives. Only your husband knows the degree to which he battles so offer him these options. But remember to do it in a non-judgmental way coming from a place of love– not a “you hurt me so I need you to do this” place.
Lastly for you. You need other women (but you still need to be respectful of your husband’s privacy and not share with every girlfriend you have) that you can journey with who have been there or are currently there so that you can be encouraged and encourage others. Partners For Purity is an online ministry for women who are affected by the sexual sin of someone they love. Check them out!
I’ve been where you are. Its not easy BUT it is a place of honor when you think that God chose YOU to be a helpmate to this man. You actually have a LOT of power through L O V E. You also have a lot of power that can spin this in the wrong direction and I know you don’t want to do that so I encourage you to work on you while your husband works on himself and even if he doesn’t (or doesn’t to the degree you think he should) you can trust God with him. God knows what he needs to bring him to repentance.
Best wishes,
Michelle
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