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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Is it really validation that draws men to porn? And if so, what kind of validation? Do they feel validated AS A MAN? Like they are in control? They are strong, courageous? Is there more to it than validation?
I am not mocking. I am very eagerly asking.
When is enough …enough? Where do I draw the line when the cycle repeats? (in a serious dating and talking of marriage type relationship) Why do I feel so strong in these moments – to love…but yet still feel that I am worth so much more?
And where does the spirit of lust play in to all of this? And generational curses?
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I don’t know who to talk too. I’ve so many questions … do you recommend a hotline or anything of the sort?
First thank you for sending this our way and second I’d love to try and answer some of your questions.
First a site I would recommend is www.partnersforpurity.com.
Validation is a new one that I have heard and to behonest I think that is joke if someone use that for an excuse to watch it. Now I do not go with out my fault as I had been addicted to porn and have faced everyone around me about it. One of the resoans guys watch porn is because it is a visual fantisy and guys like that. They get what they want now and they are not told no. It is a self gratification now! This is a very selfish way of life as I have come to learn. But someone one saying they watch porn to become a man is a joke.
You urge to love when this is going on is very good and I respect you greatly for approcing this issue this way. When is enough, enough? For me it is something that needs to be addressed right away. I do not know if you are married or not but, if you are you need to have the conversation with him and tell him how you feel about it. Do so in a loving way but, you need to tell him how it makes you feel and why.
As for lust; yes it play a huge role in all of this. There is realy nothing more to say about it but, yes it does play a role in all of this.
Hey my husbadon has a big problem with his addaction.Almost anytime that i’m not around him he is either looking at it or calling chact lines or calling other women.I have confronted him about this many of times and he wont even talk to me about it.He just actes like im not even talking to him.I have asked him to talk to someone about it and he wont.I told him 3 weeka ago that if he did it again we were done,that I couldn’t handle it anymore.After 2 weeks he was right back at it.This is the 2nd time we have been married.The 1st time ended because of this plus he was cheating too.This just leads to it.I have prayed and prayed about this.I have read about this and they say that im not to stop showing him love or get mad about it but i just cant seem to stop.It hurts me so much.I cant see where I can help him,because he wont let me try..I dont want us to end I do love him but I dont know how much more I can take it.Please is there anything you can tell me to do or say that might help. Thank You
I am sure this is very tough to go through and I know that the Lord does hear your cries for help. Since you have spoken to him about it and he does not want to listen I would recommend one more thing. I would recommend that you personally go and speak to someone at your church about this. Ask them to help you and bring them on board with this. The support, help and prayers will bring this battle to a whole new front. Also I would like to direct you to another site called Partners For Purity. This is a site run by other spouses who have been were you are at righ now and understand how you feel. They sould be a great place for you to talk and get some more advice.
Hello,
Before I ask my question, I just want to give some you some background on the situation. Two and a half years ago I met and started dating a man during my sophomore year in college. After he graduated he went into the army and while in boot camp, he admitted to being addicted to porn for a number of years. I forgave him and we talked( as much as we could with limited communication) about it and he assured me that everything was in the past and he was working on his relationship with God.
We have now been married for a little over a 2 months. Im still extremely paranoid, Im constantly checking his email, history, phone etc. Everything turns up clean but I still cant get over the fact that he was addicted for two years to porn while we were dating and he hid it from me. This was while we were both attending a very conservative, christian school as well.
Over christmas break( we had been engaged 6 mo) I logged onto his email account, did some digginf and found tons of nude pics. This made thins so real for me. He told me he stopped using that account and that all the pictures were from before he confessed his addiction.
I guess my question is where should I go from here? I love him and I feel like things are great in our marriage but I just cant stop feeling paranoid.
-Anna
I think he has a real addiciton. He needs to pursue getting help either through accountability, or professional help or through your church. You cannot allow him to keep on this way.
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