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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
This is hard to form into words, so I’m just going to spit it out. My husband has admitted he’s addicted to porn. We’ve been married almost 4 years, we have two little boys and I love him with all that I am. But I cant deal with this anymore I want to be with him, but I refuse to constantly bust him with it. Legit, it happens every 4-6 months. I’m out of options. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve threatened to leave, taking our kids with me. And still it happens. And every time I bust him I’m met with the same excuses “I don’t realize what I’m doing till its too late” “I don’t want you to leave, but I fight these demons every day” I know its a true addiction, I just don’t know what I can do to help him. My marriage is hanging on by a string. I looked for a “Spouse support” forum lol but didn’t find one. I’m just hoping you can give me some advise on how to help him. I’m desperate for some guidance. Thanks so much.
We have an entire spouses section at XXXchurch.
You might also want to check out Partners for Purity on FB- they no longer have a website with active forums but they do have a private FB page for women only. You’ll need to email them through their regular public page.
I’m not even sure if this is a question.. My husband and I have been married for 7 years now, I use to desire him A LOT when he didn’t desire me :(, It was the most painful road God had put me on, So I turned to porn everyday to get my satisfaction, Now I find myself not desiring him and prefer porn :(. When we do have sex once a month if that, we need porn to stimulate us… I need help, I feel like a failure as a wife :(.. I want to desire my husband and to be desired but don’t know where to start.
You start right where you have. With your eyes open to the reality of what has become of this and then confession. Next steps are to get your husband on board– let him know you’re done with the porn. I’m wondering if he doesn’t have his own struggles which created the lack of intimacy from the beginning? Either way, you need to be done. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you [I’m a woman on team here]. Seek out our resources for women here at XXXchurch.com and also seek out the guidance of a local counselor. We have a great workshop for women called X3pure and you would do really well to join an X3group where you could meet regularly with women who have the same struggles. I would not recommend the spouses group at this time but rather the women’s group. You are not alone and you CAN do this!
Lastly– I don’t want to forget the crisis of the marriage. I think counseling would be wonderful if he will partake. I also think the Best Sex Life Now workshop would be great for you both to go through.
My husband used to have a problem with porn, and I made it very clear to him that I was very uncomfortable with it. About 6 months ago, he finally stopped using porn, when I just broke down in front of him because I had caught him and he tried to lie to me. I just broke down and ended up making myself sick because I was so upset. He swears up and down that he doesn’t cheat, and that he doesn’t watch porn or anything anymore, but something still just doesn’t feel… honest. I found his meet me about a month ago, and was totally devastated, and I know the password he uses for everything and I saw the messages. He stopped before it went too far, but it still hurt because he had called 2 other women “cutie” and invited them to cuddle (which I know didn’t happen, given they’re from the UK and Tennessee). At first, he was totally dishonest with me, and tried to play me for dumb and say it was hacked, but he eventually just came out with the truth when I just stopped talking to him or acting like I care. Like I said, he swears up and down that he hasn’t cheated (besides that one instance of flirting), and that he hasn’t watched porn since he claimed he quit, but I just can’t believe him. Is it me, with trust issues? Or should I follow my gut feeling? Note, I am pregnant so my emotions are crazy, and I really do want to make this work, but it’s hard to believe it will when I feel like there’s no honesty.
No, it is not just you and your hormones or emotions. Your husband is clearly still being deceitful and still caught up in sexual sin regardless of the form.
He needs help now and my recommendation is to take it a step further than you did before. Did you call a pastor or trusted male godly friend? If not, do so. Actually— give him the choice– he calls or you do. And most importantly FOLLOW THROUGH.
He needs true accountability. He needs a filtering software on his computer and any smart phone device he has. It would be beneficial for him to sojourn with other guys who have or are dealing with this. X3groups would be a great place for that. We also have groups for spouses.
Best wishes to you dear one. I’m sure this is heartbreaking and the last thing you need to be dealing with in pregnancy.
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