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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
I seem to be able to stay away from this sin for months, even a year at a time, but something seems to nag me and I fall a day or two and then come back out of it for months again with seemingly no trouble then it comes and gets me again months and months later. It’s like a recurring relapse that happens every so often. When I’ve fallen, it’ll be maybe 1 or 2 instances, I turn from it, confess it and know I’m forgiven, then I don’t seem to have trouble for several more months. I even went a full year without falling. Then another relapse. I just can’t seem to officially stay away from this sin indefinitely. Why do I seem to have no trouble for a time and I seem to be long past ever falling again, but then an eventual relapse occurs? Why can’t I seem to stay away from it indefinitely? I get so close to being rid of it permanently only to suffer another defeat. So many times I’ve believed I was forever free, but then I would fall. Why do I suffer such relapses? I mean other than the obvious reasons…how do I put an end to these relapses?
I think this is a good question and clearly it is sincere and you desire “the answer”. I’m not sure that there is a simple one answer fits all here. But these are my thoughts:
We tend to sin where our propensity to sin is so of course when you are stressed, (or whatever your triggers are) this would be the “familiar” sin you return to. The bible tells us that we are enticed by our own desires. Drugs are not a problem for me, but food is. When I am stressed, or under pressure, I tend to turn to food. Not drugs, not sex, not alcohol… my propensity/desire is in this particular area. I’m going to assume the same thing to be true with you and porn. Addictions have such a pull, such a lure, they are so deceiving and leaves one so empty but yet… we continue to slip. However…. it does not mean that you will not enter into “forever freedom” it’s just that you’re not there yet. God obviously knew there was something to this because He included this Scripture in His word:
“Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again!..” (proverbs 24:16)
Instead of focusing on the relapses, perhaps focus on the victory. You ARE making progress and you ARE experiencing freedom. Don’t give up. Don’t be defeated. You keep pressing in and you will see that one day you will not have to keep counting the relapses because you will have risen above them!
Hi my name is Samuel. I would love to say my addiction has ended, but its not that simple. Right now i am sober for some time, but I am not counting that because i feel that I should focus on sober days, but on my relationship with god. Your site is so far helping me a lot. And there is one question i got for you: What do you think about music I listen? Does it affect me if I am listening not christian music which is mostly dance music and of course theme is of course “love”. I mean these songs are often about some guy/ woman singing about sex but in very indirect way i think., because in music videos you can see it clearly. So what do you think is music which I am listening too important?
I think if you’re asking the question then perhaps something inside of you already knows the answer [for you]. 😉
I think everyone is different but I can tell you for me personally, there is some music that I once loved and listened to for years that I simply cannot listen to today because of where it “takes me” in my mind. I think it depends on the person and shouldn’t become a legalistic matter. I also believe that what we allow into our minds should be edifying and conducive with the way in which we want to live.
If you’re listening to music with lyrics that are constantly pouring sex sex sex into your mind-space then yea I think you may have an issue since you struggle in this area to begin with and should reconsider it.
My wife is pregnant with out 3rd baby and seems that her sex drive has gone way down. I look at porn and looked at other women, went onto chat rooms and spoke with other women. She knows all about this and she still forgives me for it. She knows I look at porn and still forgives me because she knows I will never do anything. I won’t. But, it could finally break through one day and I want to prevent, well I want God Almighty to stop it before the flesh wins. Has any other married man dealt with this kind of addiction? Please I’m afraid that I am alone in this area. I found porn videos in a box that belonged to my father when I was 10 years old. I didn’t grow in stable home, my family didn’t care if I watched porn or not. They were worried about themselves. Since then I have became a born again Christian, and I am married with 2 sons. I do not want my generational demons to expose my kids to porn and have them suffer as adults as I do struggle and suffer. Please I need help. I found out that we are expecting a daughter and I do not want her to get involved with this mess too. I have tried cold turkey and it hurts more. Please help me! God bless! We need a lot of prayer please?
You are definitely not alone and you are not the only married man who struggles with pornography. We have an entire section on this site devoted to couples and spouses. I do agree with you that this does have the potential to cross over into an affair or to other things if you continue on this path. I think it is great that you are aware that this is something that can generationally be passed down to your children… just like alcoholism and other addictions.
This is not going to be supernaturally zapped away. God has requirements of us. He is faithful even when we are not but He has clearly given us free will and He tells us to CHOOSE life. I think it is great that you are seeing the need for help– the need to break free and the need to walk into wholeness with your wife and family.
Start here and check out all the resources available to you. Because you mentioned preparing for the birth of your daughter, it brought to mind this open letter I recently read. May it help strengthen your resolve.
God bless you.
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