Questions

The bible is clear that we will always deal with our flesh and that it is going to be a battle but the good news is that we can rule over our flesh through the Spirit.   If you have repented as you said you have, then freedom is possible and it is always God’s best.   If you are not experiencing freedom then I would suggest that you look at several suggestions given to us in the Word and ask yourself if you are fully embracing those suggestions that lead to freedom from things that we are in bondage to.

1. Confess your sins to one another (James 5:16)   — That’s accountability   Do you have this?  Really have this the way accountability was meant to be and is intended for?   The book OPEN talks about this in depth.

2. Remove stumbling blocks ( 1 Corinthians 8: 1-13)  — That is removing our ability to indulge in something that is harmful to us.    Television may not be harmful to you but it might be a stumbling block for me.  So since I know this then I need to take every measure to remove access— disconnect cable etc.   For you it might be a smart phone.   You may need to lay down the smart phone with access to porn 24/7 for a season until you are stronger or have better accountability and accountability measures in place.   Make sense?

3.  Keep short accounts with God.  (1John 1:9)

I hope this helps.

My heart goes out to you for the pain that you are feeling due to the cycle of sex addiction that you have been dealing with for so many years.

I just got done responding to someone else who is lost, alone and desperate in this battle– I am glad to hear that you have some people within your church that you trust enough to be transparent with.  Community is key to breaking the patterns of this addiction.  

What I said to him, I will say to you: Porn (and masturbation)  is often something people turn to medicate things like loneliness, anxiety, etc. Poor self esteem is also a common stressor  that contributes to our desires to look at porn and escape the reality we are faced with. 

 Your porn use and masturbation habit  is not indicative of a severe flaw in who you are. It’s a tool you have been using to medicate life’s worries and problems. Many do this .. you are not the exception.  Also, porn and masturbation do not identify you. You may use porn but that is not who you are.

So what now? That’s the question you have to answer. Do you want to put in the really hard and difficult work? Do you want to seek out accountability with these folks you’ve been transparent with and try to kick this porn habit in the butt for good?   Do you know what real accountability should look like?  (Craig’s book OPEN is a great one on this subject) 

 This isn’t easy and there is no quick fix- as you already know or you wouldn’t still be struggling… BUT I assure you that others who’ve been in similar situations as you have found purpose and freedom. It just took some time and a lot determination to move forward.

Hey thanks for your comment and we definitely empathize with your frustrations. One thing we don’t want to tell you is the typical response, “God is in control so you’ll be ok, etc.” Realize that this response is accurate but it’s not going to practically answer your current situation. Here’s what we would tell you (and realize none of this is easy … it may take some work).

1. Work – Unless your felony was terribly serious you probably can find work but it may not be the ideal job. Unfortunately our poor choices can lead to less than desirable circumstances. This is where you need to recognize this reality but do what you can to move forward. It may not happen overnight but God can restore you and even land you in a job that you enjoy. Like I said, it’s not overnight or easy but it can happen. You just need to do what’s in your power and let God handle the rest.

 2. Socialization, etc. – Porn is often something people turn to medicate things like loneliness, anxiety, etc. Poor self esteem is also a common stressed that contribute to our desires to loo at porn and escape the reality we are faced with. I’m sure the job situation contributes to this. BUT, you need to realize that your situation does not define who you are. You are more than a job. You are more than a person with a  criminal record. God says we are all wonderfully made … that includes you. 

 Your porn use is not indicative of a severe flaw in who you are. It’s a tool you have been using to medicate life’s worries and problems. many do this .. you are not the exception or the weirdo. Also, porn does not identify you. You may use porn but that is not who you are.

 So what now? That’s the question you have to answer. Do you want to put in the really hard and difficult work? Do you want to seek out accountability and try to kick this porn habit in the butt for good? 

 Like I said, this ain’t easy and there is no quick fix. BUT I assure you that others who’ve been in similar situations have found purpose and freedom. It just took some time and a lot determination to move forward.