Questions

Im really unsure about having an accountability because I feel like one of my friends doesn’t understand nor cares this stuff has been a problem and I end up hating myself and feeling sick I don’t know how to tell anyone either it gnaws away at me I know I need help and I pray to God for it but it doesn’t seem to come it doesn’t help that im surrounded by dirty jokes andnegative things at school I need some advice

I feel stupid for saying this, but crave the advice of an older man. I don’t have access to a lot of mentorship right now. Also, this is my first relationship. I’ve been praying a lot about this, and my heart is still burdened. After a long friendship, I decided to enter a romantic relationship. To be short, I entered this relationship overlooking the element of physical attraction. I did so because I’ve been told that other things, such as character, are so much more important than that. She has a wonderful character. She loves the lord with her whole heart. She is supportive, honest, caring, flexible, not high-maintenance. She has all of these wonderful characteristics that I hope to someday find in a wife. However, I’m simply not very physically attracted to her. She’s not ugly; we’re both very fit, athletic people. I feel terrible about this, as she is VERY happy in our relationship. She believes that I’m a tremendous example of a Godly man who serves her, respects her, and honors her. I am less drawn to her than she is to me. But, I also think, shouldn’t making her happy make me happy if I truly possess a servant’s heart? I feel very frustrated, and also guilty. I also dismissed not being very attracted to her because of my 5 year addiction to porn having given me unrealistic, fake expectations for women. Can I become attracted to her? Will these problems solve themselves? Should I break up with her and prevent her from getting further involved? I care deeply for this woman, if she were a dude, she probably would be my best friend anyways. I absolutely hate the idea of breaking her heart after dating her for less than two months. Sincerely, a man suffering duress to his own mind. PS: I feel the need to confess this as well. Before she became a Christian, she sexually used by a lot of guys. My sinful heart almost labels this as a good thing. I have this twisted thought process of, ‘if she was good enough for them… then I guess she’s not bad looking after all.’

I had a period of time where my girlfriend and I were going through third-base, we never went beyond that because we were strict about no premarital sex. I have this guilt within me that I’ve somehow robbed something of her future spouse. I can never seem to get over it. What are the steps I can take for reconciliation?