Questions

We have had literally thousands of emails about this particular issue. We have heard all the scenarios. “Well if I think about fruit while I’m masturbating, then that is not a sin.” Well isn’t that clever. Or…”If I’m giving glory to the Lord while I’m doing it, then that can’t be wrong.” Hmmm. Why don’t we just make that part of our Sunday morningspan> services then? We have heard all the Pro-masturbation Christian arguments and we wonder if these people are dealing in reality. It’s all very intellectual and quite scholarly, but we still don’t get it. Sorry.

Our stance is simply this: you want to live a life that is honoring to God then start pleasing him and stop pleasing yourself. Stop making excuses and get some control over your life. Yes, it is tough. Yes, we know hormones are raging. However, God is calling us to holiness. Live an extraordinary life. Masturbation will leave you hanging every time! It is a selfish act that pleases no one but YOU. God created sex to be between a man and his wife. Not a man and his girlfriend and not a man or woman with himself or herself.

We understand that this is a tough battle that you are going through right now and you need to get it under control with being such a young age. Admitting to the fact that you have and addiction to this is one of the first steps.

Confess this to God and tell Him that you want to change and that you want for Him to send people in your life who will help you win this fight. He will hear your pray and He is a powerful God but, He will not just come down here and stop it for you. He will provide you the tools and the resources but, He wants you to step and do this thing.

After you have talked to God about this find someone right away that you know who can be your accountability partner. Someone who you see often and will have the ability to hold you accountable at all costs. Being your age I would suggest it be someone who is your elder and will be able to provide good mature counsel on this issue. This can be someone from your church, family member, and maybe even your parents. I know this step is tough but, you have to do this if you want to get free from this. You will not be able to do this on your own.

After you have an accountability partner you need to sit down with them and build a plan figure out what your triggers are and how they affect you. Get accountability software. If the internet or mobile devices are you hang up and this is where you turn to get your porn, get accountability and filter software right away and get this covered. We have a great program called X3 Watch that you could use for this. Set up a meeting schedule to meet with your accountability partner to discuss how things are going and if you are following your sobriety plan that you have developed with them.

Do not think this will go away over night; you have trained your brain to need this crap and you will need to train your brain that it is not needed and that it will hurt you. Celebrate small victories and do not give up if there are stumbles, keep going and dig in for the fight. Please know that you are not alone in this and that God loves you so much. He will never remove His love for you because of what you did, are doing, or might do during your recovery. We are here praying for you and know that you can do this.

Hey Ashley,

My name is Shellie R. Warren and I’m the women’s blog editor for the site. Thanks for reaching out.

I found it interesting what you said about not being addicted, mostly because you said that you’ve been watching it since you were 13 and you are now 18. Being that porn is rooted in lust  and lust is not God’s design for us to live our lives (I John 2:16), I just want to encourage you to consider that you do actually have a problem with porn that is not “casual”. I have enclosed a couple of links that delve into the signs of if you are a “porn addict” or not below:

http://voices.yahoo.com/8-warning-signs-pornography-addiction-6645630.html?cat=72

http://pornographyaddiction.com/emotional-and-physical-symptoms-of-pornography-addiction/

I also noticed what you said about when you tend to seek it out and it’s when you are alone or stressed. OK, one thing about addiction is that it’s something that is used to help someone “escape” their reality. That is something else to consider.

Also, you said that after you watch it, you hate it and think it’s disgusting which is a classic response to how a lot of people feel about their habits after they get the “release” from it that they are looking for.

I’m sharing all of this because it has been my personal experience that one of the things that Satan does is try and get us to “water down” what we’re doing so that it can pull us in deeper. So long as you keeping telling yourself “It’s not as bad as it could be”, I promise you, in time, it will only get worse. *Porn is always progressive.*

That said, I really do encourage you to find someone *that you trust* to talk about this with. Porn is something that can be *extremely hard* to overcome on your own and God doesn’t expect you to. James 5:16 tells us that there is confession in healing and that prayer provides power. You need someone who will cover your sin (Proverbs 10:12) and pray along with you for “this mountain to move” out of your life (Matthew 17:20) and Matthew 18:20 tells us that where two or three are gathered, God is present. I know you might be afraid, but I spoke at a school last week where a girl shared something that she was struggling with that her best friend didn’t know and her best friend was *extremely supportive*. All of us struggle with something, Ashley. A good friend knows that.

OK, are you a virgin. Good question. The Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16-20) tells us that sex is as much a spiritual mystery as it is a physical fact. I love that because it reminds me that we don’t just have sex with our bodies. Our minds and spirits are involved as well. That said, while you may be a *physical virgin*, being a woman who has not be penetrated is not the only goal that we are to strive for. Hebrews 13:4 tells us that the “marriage bed is undefiled” which means that the marriage bed is *pure*. God wants you to present yourself to your husband, someday, as a *pure vessel*—mind, body and spirit. There are many marriages that struggle because couples are engaging in porn. The sooner that you leave it alone, the sooner you can get those thoughts purged from you so that you can give your *whole self*, purely, to your mate.

There is free software that we have on our site for people who watch porn and want some accountability as they seek to get free from it:

http://www.x3watch.com/

You are not alone. God loves you. And we will be praying for you.

*Please get an accountability partner soon, OK?* It can make all of the difference in the world!

SRW