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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
a couple of things: I am a Christian, through Christ I’ve beaten a lot of sins and addictions over the past few years and am working towards one day being a pastor. For years I’ve been a porn addict and specifically I deal with same sex desires. I don’t want this. I want a wife, a family and to bring glory to God in everything I do. I’m trying hard. I have accountability software. I have a AP. And I’ve confessed. I’m scared I can’t beat this, I’m scared I will never be fully sexually attracted to the opposite sex. I truly want the love of a Christian wife one day but sex SCARES me. Thank you for all you do.
I just want to encourage you. Fear will rob you of so much.
Deal with your porn addiction first. Focus on your relationship with God and where He has you daily- in each moment. Thinking outside of today is not going to help you… worrying about all the “what if’s” is only serving as a distraction. If you have confessed your areas of struggle or weakness and you have accountability in place just be sure that you use it. Accountability only works to the degree we work it.
If you don’t want a behavior you don’t have to act out on it. Some things may never go away. I am attracted to a lot of things that are not beneficial to my walk with Christ and I must make decisions everyday. Sometimes I am angry that those things are not just removed from me but I have to remember that Paul’s thorn remained and yet he was able to walk with God, to serve God and to live a life of purpose. Guess what? So can you!!
I am a teen girl who loves God, works hard in school & has Godly friends. But when nobody’s around, masturbation is there, proving I’m not as Godly as I want to be. If anyone could be somehow sheltered from lust, it should be me, right? My parents are on fire for God and also open with me about sex being God’s idea, but yet here I am, almost out of highschool fighting a battle I’ve fought since about 11 or 12 years of age. I used to think I could control it, keep as a “innocent” thing between me and my body because I’d never look at porn or fantasize…. But once I began to really be attracted to guys masturbation was something I did far more often, as a way to “supress lust”, gradually becoming worse. When fantasizing wasn’t enough, there I was. Looking at nude men on my phone. The very thing I said I’d never do! Well, unfortunately it took me realizing that these sites included gay men, not the masculine, Godly man I want to marry to back off. I thought I had things controlled, but then I started to be really attracted to a guy in my youth group I’ve known for years. All of the sudden, I started thinking about him in ways I shouldn’t, causing me to become less of a friend to him out of fear that I’d corrupt him with lust. Only recently, I have been waking up with nightmares that I had gone and had premarital sex or even gotten pregnant. I love Jesus with all my heart and I want to have a good relationship with Him, one that doesn’t have masturbation interfering. How can I get to that place?
You are so young and the pressures of this world are weighing in and trying to find your place in everyday life can be so overwhelming. I promise you, you are not alone. There are other young women just like you who really do want to live for God and want to be all they’re meant to be but the pressures of this life combined with young hormones make it seem like purity is impossible.
I really want to encourage you to talk with someone that you trust. I’m sure you feel like there is NO WAY you can discuss this but that is exactly what the enemy wants! However, once you let the light in on this- the darkness no longer prevails! If you don’t know who you can talk to, pray and ask God to show you.
In the meantime, spend some time on our site in the section for students as well as the section for women. You will see you are not alone and you just may find some peer to peer encouragement here!
So about a month ago, my girlfriend of 5 months all the sudden asked me if i looked at porn. I didnt want to tell her because I knew she would be very one sided about it, but i guess i cant blame her… So i did tell her and said I struggle with it sometimes, which sent her into a downward spiral pretty much. We have talked about it some, but the conversation always ends up badly. I try to justify and make her believe that it is not because of her and that I first saw porn when I was like 13, trying to tell her that its not her fault but she just feels so crushed and hurt. Fortunately we didnt break up but she wants me to go to my church and seek help from somebody because I obviously havent done a good job trying to conquer this on my own, yeah I’ve read some books but it seemed to always come back… my question is, what can she do or what can i do to help her through this? Cause i know she has been affected by it. Thanks
I agree with your girlfriend that talking with someone from the church or in your sphere of influence is a good idea. It would be great to have someone encourage you, challenge you and spur you on. I would also add that your girlfriend needs the same from a godly woman. This is your battle– not hers. She needs accountability too because without it– the focus then becomes her, her feelings, her hurt, etc. It’s not about her (yes I know it affects her) she needs to find her value and her worth from God and what He says about her. This world is full of troubles- it is full of temptation and disappointments but if she is rooted and grounded in God she will not be so easily shaken. Her emotional responses will only serve to be a distraction in your recovery. I might add that I am a woman responding to this because a woman could see that and think it must be coming from a man who doesn’t understand. Quite the contrary— this advise is coming from a woman who dealt with this for over a decade in her marriage. I’m thankful for the women in my life who made me own my own responses- my own walk with God and my own reactions to the sins of others. Best wishes to you!
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