Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

Porn

If you look at gay porn does that automatically make you gay?

Despite the worldly phrase “you are what you think”, no, I don’t think that looking at gay porn makes you gay.

I do think though that the longer you focus on anything you desire or find desirable, you will go after it.

My boyfriend watching porn

The other day I was having a good talk with my boyfriend in the car about a message I’d had listen to earlier that day. When we got onto the topic of the different things we struggle with. I already knew lust and porn was something he was dealing with and trying to get over. He had covenant eyes on his phone and laptop, and had men keeping him accountable. But when I asked him how he had been doing I didn’t get the answer I wanted. He told me the last few weeks had be tough and he felt his desires getting worse. I know my boyfriend loves me and most of all he loves God. His heart is to please God and to get over this addiction. But he told me that the girls at school were starting to grab his attention and that he had been checking them out. As a girlfriend I did what any girlfriend would do. I began to ask questions ….. BAD IDEA!!!! so what did she look like? was it her butt you were looking at? was she skinnier then me? more beautiful? what were you thinking when you were looking? Like I said, bad idea because when I got the answers, I felt nothing but WORSE! I felt hurt, unwanted, NOT ENOUGH!!! He apologized and told me he had talk to his leader about it already and had order a book and him and some buddies were gonna do a Bible study/ small group thing to keep each other accountable. We’ve talked since and I’m not mad at him at all! Just hurt! We had been talking about engagement and marriage and now I’m scared! i don’t want to be 15 years into marriage and have to be worried about my husband watching porn! I 100% believe that who the son sets free is free indeed! I know that he will overcome this! I guess I just don’t know how to deal with the lies that come into my head about not being good enough! I know I can’t take it personal cause its not, BUT IT HURTS!!!! On top of all that when I was talking to my parents about it and my dad told me that he struggled with it and is occasionally tempted with it!

All that you experienced and struggled with is not uncommon. Unfortunately though all of those things are more about you than your boyfriend. Don’t hear that wrong. I am not saying what he is doing is right or acceptable. I am also not saying that it is your fault or has anything to do with you. It absolutely isn’t and doesn’t. But what I am saying is that your outbursts in making his struggle about you speaks volumes to insecurity and someone only looking inward and making it about them instead of about the struggle of the person who was just truthful with on everything you asked. I’m sure answering those questions were painful for him. He chose to be honest. That is commendable and a really good sign.

I do agree with your concern about discussing engagement and marriage if this is still an active struggle for him. It does not go away in marriage and actually tears more marriages apart. Steer clear of that until there is some fruit that remains in the area of freedom and purity from sexual sin.

I would say that as much as your boyfriend needs accountability, so do you. Accountability is a beautiful thing. You need to be encouraged to really find your worth in God and how to separate your boyfriend’s struggle with your insecurities and or worth.

feedback

I don’t have a question..just wanted to leave some positive feedback. I just watched Shellie Warrens webinar. It truly was a blessing to me. I’m going to sign up for one of the groups tomorrow!

That is awesome! I’m glad the webinar: The 5 myths of Women, Sex & Porn was a blessing to you and I am certain you will benefit from one of our X3groups for women!

Best wishes.