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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
My husband is in a recovery group because he is addicted to porn. I realize that after him being unfaithful twice all the while looking at a ridiculous amounts of porn, I have become very jaded. While my hopfull loving side is very happy he is actively getting help, I’m really only happy for our childrens opportunity to have a father who puts them and not porn 1st. While I have forgiven him my EXTREME lack of trust is keeping me from any interest in him at all. As he is learning to deal with his issues and is accountable he is taking more interest in me that frankly I got use to not getting. While I would love to feel something towards him, I don’t. The only way I feel connected to him is in our friendship. As his friend I can be fully understanding and helpful but as his wife I am guarded and in extreme pain. I don’t know how to recover or where to begin. I think there’s a question in there somewhere. thanks.
Dearest Prudence,
You are speaking my language. I was married to a man who struggled significantly with this and I can so relate to your situation. I do understand the whole friend vs husband scenario. Here’s the deal though… your husband is getting help. He needs to walk this out and you can continue to support him in that and as he continues to gain momentum in his victory over sexual sin, I think you will begin to soften IF you are seeking the Lord daily for yourself and YOUR restoration.
Your husband cannot restore you— only God can do that and the most awesome thing about that is not only does God want to, but HE CAN!
I would recommend you go through our spouses blogs and resources. Email me: michelle@XXXchurch and I will send you a list of books and recommendations as well if you want those.
God bless you. -Michelle
Where to begin? Me and my husband have been married for 12 years. In the first year of our marriage I talked to my husband about porn and he said It really did not do any thing for him(yea i was totally gulable) but I had found some Maxim magazines stuffed away in his things. A few years later during a deployment he asked permission(my heart sunk) to look at porn as the other men were looking at it and lying to there wives. I was totally not expecting that question and felt put in a bad place. What do i do say Yes to some thing i feel is wrong or say No so then he lies to me about doing it? He started looking at porn but i knew about it. So now its been a few more years later. I think he had stopped looking at porn for a while. Well then it started back with looking at the old pin up girls and now its gotten full on. I found hundreds of photos of other women on his phone but what broke my heart was that not one was of me. I broke down and talked to him about what i saw on his phone and he said he would get rid of them because it bothered me. The concern i have is that he sees nothing wrong with look at this stuff. I see its ripping our (what was a great)marriage apart. we both are professing Christians so i dont understand why he sees nothing wrong with porn. Is there any scripture or things that help explain why porn and masturbation are wrong?? All i can think to do is cry out to God for help as i dont want to lose our marriage(it was so good before porn)
Dear Amie,
God bless you. This is such a hard issue to face as a spouse. But also difficult is the battlefield that your husband is fighting on and off of his role in the military. This issue of porn is basically an assault against our men. You have such power to stand in the gap with your husband and pray him (and you) through the thick of it. These men are blasted left and right with images and then on top of that your husband has to deal with all the other guys doing it as a socially acceptable act.
My recommendation is that you spend some time in the resources section of the Women’s area of XXXchurch.com there is a specific section for spouses that I believe will help you. Some great books and like ministries designed for women just like you.
Pure Life Ministries is also a great place for biblical counsel on this matter.
God bless you.
I’ve been fighting with depression and an addiction to sexual fantasies and masturbation since I was 11 years old, and this past year I have come to the conclusion that this addiction is the one thing that is truly holding me back from growing any further in my faith in God. I’ve tried to quit over and over and over again, and prayed for healing more times than I care to count, but my continued failure has made me realize that I don’t trust God enough, and because of that I have a very hard time believing Him in any other area of my life, including my relationships and trouble with depression. I desperately need help, I don’t want to be in this place anymore. But I have a few problems. 1.) I’m an extremely shy person, and have no one that I trust to confide in about my problems. I don’t even know how I would start that conversation with anyone I know 2.) I am employed by a non-profit organization and barely having enough money to afford rent and food, so paying a hundred bucks for a workshop to help me is just something I can’t do. 3.) The previous 2 problems leave me feeling like I have absolutely no where to turn. Any ideas on where I can start to trust God for His healing? Cheers, Em
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