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Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Hello, I have known my dad has been viewing pornography online on the family computer for about a year. My mom (his wife) I do not think knows. Last January, I confronted him and spoke the truth in love and told him that I am aware of his behavior and that it is not okay. Since then, he has continued to view it. Last week I caught him again and I got upset. My dad saw that I was upset and then told me that he would never do it again. However, I have read that to manage and overcome a porn addiction he needs accountability. I have encouraged him to talk to someone about his behavior but he believes he can do this on his own. It worries me and he’s not a Christian so how can I go about helping or have I done enough as a daughter can do? I pray for him often and for guidance for myself but I would appreciate any help or guidance you have to offer also. Thank you Courtney
Courtney,
This is a tough issue to deal with and even tougher with it being your dad. The thing I would suggest is that you keep praying for him that he sees what this is doing and that he decides to get accountability and take this issue head on.
Yes, accountability is something he needs but, if he really does not want to stop he will not. That being said I would ask him to sit down and talk with you. Find a time when the two of you can be alone without your mom being there. Let him know how this has been bothering you and what you know about the affects of pornography to him and his wife (your mom). Ask him to get accountability and if he means it that he will stop then have him put the X3 Watch on his computer an place you as an accountability partner.
If he does not take it seriously and this will be the tough one, let him know that you will have to let mom know what is going on. I know this will be tough but, you are doing this to help him.
I would also in list the help of folks at your church with this. They can offer good advice for you as well and offer good prayer as well as supporting you.
I have been married to my husband about 3 months now. We are both Christians and were both raised in church all our lives. We actively attend church. I found out about 3 weeks after we were married that he was addicted to porn. I feel very alone and I don’t know what to do. We have installed X3 watch on our computer , but last night i caught him with it on his phone ( this is the first time in about 10 days) and I want to trust him but I don’t feel like I can right now. There is so much more to our story than I can put on here. I know that God has amazing plans for us and that he can beat this but I can’t help feeling let down when he fails. I love my husband very much , but i just need someone to talk to that has been in my situation before. Is there a chat line or someone I can email to share the disappointment , hurt, and to give me hope?
I can let you know that you currently are doing the best thing you can right now and that is standing by him. I understand that you do not want to pressure him in to getting help but, this is an issue that is affecting your marriage and there is no reasons why the two of you can not talk about it.
When you do talk to him make sure it is in a loving way and not one that will make him feel as though he is being backed into a corner. When guys feel this way the feel loss of respect and typically come out swinging.
Be honest with him and let him know how this makes you feel. He needs to know that his actions are affecting you as well. More often men feel that they are not hurting anyone because this is a private sin that they hold onto tightly to keep for their selfish needs.
I would also encourage him to talk to some one and get accountability for this too. Someone other than you who can ask the tough questions and hold him to his desire for purity. He should also look into getting X3 Watch for any computer of mobile device that he has. This will send a report to his accountability partner letting him know if he has viewed any adult content sites.
You also need to get some healing from this and I have a few things I hope you take into action. If you belong to a church I would recommend talking to someone there whom you trust and can either help you or point you into a direction of someone who can. You need to be able to ask questions, receive guidance, and have someone who will pray for you and support you during this time.
There are two sites as well that I would like for you to check into as well that I feel will be a good help for you. The first is Partners For Purity at www.partnersforpurity.com. This is a group of women who know where you are at right now and will be able to provide some great insight into what you are going through and will go through. The next one is Porn to Purity at www.porntopurity.com. Seek out the wives section of the site. Marsha Fisher is a strong women who has been there and she will offer up her wisdom to you from her own personal experience.
Please know that you are not alone in this and that neither is your husband. God is so amazing and He wants so much for your marriage to be restored. Also know that He is so proud of you that you have stood by your husband and that you are willing to fight for your marriage. We will be praying for you her as well as you make the next steps.
My husband and I have been together 14 years & married for 12 years. 3 1/2 years ago he admitted to me, again, that he had been looking at porn online. This time, he told me that he had stopped for a while, but then started again. He also told me that he had been doing it since before we met. I feel so betrayed still. I don’t think he’s looked at it since then, but I have no way to be sure except for his word. How can I be sure that he’s telling the truth? I truly believe he wants to be the husband and father God has called him to be. This has had devastating consequences on our marriage and I almost filed for divorce. I love him dearly and want to know how to help him, talk with him about it and overcome my insecurities.
I can let you know that you currently are doing the best thing you can right now and that is standing by him. I understand that you do not want to pressure him in to getting help but, this is an issue that is affecting your marriage and there is no reasons why the two of you can not talk about it.
When you do talk to him make sure it is in a loving way and not one that will make him feel as though he is being backed into a corner. When guys feel this way the feel loss of respect and typically come out swinging.
Be honest with him and let him know how this makes you feel. He needs to know that his actions are affecting you as well. More often men feel that they are not hurting anyone because this is a private sin that they hold onto tightly to keep for their selfish needs.
I would also encourage him to talk to some one and get accountability for this too. Someone other than you who can ask the tough questions and hold him to his desire for purity. He should also look into getting X3 Watch for any computer of mobile device that he has. This will send a report to his accountability partner letting him know if he has viewed any adult content sites.
You also need to get some healing from this and I have a few things I hope you take into action. If you belong to a church I would recommend talking to someone there whom you trust and can either help you or point you into a direction of someone who can. You need to be able to ask questions, receive guidance, and have someone who will pray for you and support you during this time.
There are two sites as well that I would like for you to check into as well that I feel will be a good help for you. The first is Partners For Purity at www.partnersforpurity.com. This is a group of women who know where you are at right now and will be able to provide some great insight into what you are going through and will go through. The next one is Porn to Purity at www.porntopurity.com. Seek out the wives section of the site. Marsha Fisher is a strong women who has been there and she will offer up her wisdom to you from her own personal experience.
Please know that you are not alone in this and that neither is your husband. God is so amazing and He wants so much for your marriage to be restored. Also know that He is so proud of you that you have stood by your husband and that you are willing to fight for your marriage. We will be praying for you her as well as you make the next steps.
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