Questions

I have been married for 11 years and has had porn issues our entire marriage. He says that every man does it and if they say that they don’t then they are lying. He started to feel guilty about it and said that he knew he had to work on it. No one knows about his problem except maybe his cousin. He won’t talk to anyone or try and get help. Right now I am just numb to the whole thing. I don’t really feel like it impacts me the way it used to. I was so hurt and angry I felt betrayed and lied to when I first discovered it and now I just feel numb. Sex is so hard now. I always wonder if he’s thinking about other people. He says that he’s not but I don’t know. I don’t feel that he’s really attracted to me and when he does seem to be he just wants my parts. I guess I feel used. Anyway I don’t know what to do and don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. I feel guilty that I tried to join in with him for a time so I could understand what he’s going through and what the attraction was but I couldn’t keep doing it. We have two little girls. He doesn’t want them to grow up and turn into porn stars but he looks at other people. We have talked about what it would be like if they found his stuff thats around the house but its not enough to make him stop. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my girls to be affected and harmed by it but I think its just a matter of time. And I am so numb to it I think there’s something wrong with me. I check his phone and see the website history and its always there. He won’t do any kind of accountability. Lately I dont want to have sex but I feel bad if I dont. I don’t want him to go have a “real” affair and the Bible says not to withhold sex from your spouse.

I know that masturbation is wrong or bad, but I have never understood why it is bad? The bible is very vaige on the subject. Do you have any scripture that might help me understand that a little better?

My husband would call himself a casual user. Yet he probably views porn and masturbates near 5 times a week give or take, regardless if we are intimate or not. He is open about his use, as in he doesn’t deny it, yet he always deletes what he views so I don’t see it. He knows how it hurts me and how I don’t like it and what him to stop. But he is at a point where he tells me it is normal and healthy. He says that if I don’t fulfill his needs then he just takes care of it himself and that’s ok and it shouldn’t bother me. I’m at a loss. He doesn’t care how I feel. He doesn’t care to stop or seek help. He has nobody that could be an accountability partner, he’d not want to use me. I try and go to church with our children, but he has no desire to go. So we don’t really have any christian friends. What do I do about a husband who denies porn is a problem and TELLS ME he feels no shame in it???