Questions

Hello, My husband has a addiction to porn and also with lying. When we first started dating I knew he had that problem. He lied to me saying he had stoppped and I believed him and in the mean time we got married. After being married 3 months I found it on his computer. I confronted him he deleted it and he promised to have open communication from that point on. I would ask him how he was doing and he would always cut it short with “good” and promising I could trust him. Then I found it on a memory card which he forgot to remove from his cell phone and many more times on his Ipod ect. He had his brother lie to me a few times about it saying that it was his brothers . He always gets defensive about it. Iv been crushed and heart broken many times, just wanting this marriage to work. He keeps telling me he wants to change when I threatin to leave but then he never shows an action of it. He just finds better ways to hide it. I have told him how it hurts me and how I want to help him through it but he just keeps lying. To this day he hides it and I dont know what to do because it has been a constant battle for 2 years. Iv suggested counseling and he says he can do it on his own. He gets mad if I ask questions or want to talk about it. He says he doesnt want to feel like a kid being watched.He wont give up the dirty unrated movies because “there funny” and he sometimes resorts to sexual stories and “sensored” pictures of naked women making excuses that its not porn. He also makes the excuse that its better then cheating but why is that even an option? Durng this time I have put on weight and he continually reminds me of it and how I need to lose it. Im sure this could be part of the reason too but I feel no self value anymore. I cant trust him at all and am starting to lose all respect for him. Is it worth fighting for anymore?

Please, pleassee help me to make sense of this situation and find a way to move on and fight. My husband and I got married a little over 3 months ago. We dated for nearly 5 years, almost entirely in long distance. He is such a godly man and that is why I married him. I knew he struggled with porn before we were married, because I was one of his accountability partners on x3watch as well as Covenant Eyes. We waited until we were married to have sex, and before we were married I was always very self conscious about letting anyone see me naked, I wouldn’t even allow my mother and sister to ever see my naked after I was 5 years old. It’s not that I’m ashamed of how I look, I just saw my nakedness as a very vulnerable state. So nakedness in marriage has taken a lot of courage. I thought that being married would help to give my husband a way to express his sexual needs. Instead, there has been about 4 occasions that I know of in our marriage that I have found out he has looked at porn (it is normally naked women, not videos of sexual intercourse). The most painful instance was the one I just found out about through looking through his internet history (it didn’t show up on the weekly report), when he looked at naked women after I had gone to sleep. I want to trust him so badly but it is so difficult when he lies to me about what he is looking at. Please give us advice on how I can help him to overcome this. Should we go through counseling? Get more internet blockers? I do not want to sound self righteous because I know I have different areas of sin in my own life. But I am so, so hurt by this addiction. I feel like I am not sufficient and that my vulnerability in sex and nakedness has been mocked and treated as worthless and undesirable whenever my husband looks at porn. I try so hard to serve him, especially in sexual ways, and I love him so, so much. I can’t imagine ever thinking about being with anyone else, and yet I know he desires other women greatly, enough to risk everything to look at them. Sometimes I just want to give up. I know i can’t do that, and i know this addiction is just the enemy trying to prevent my husband and I from following the Lord. Please help me, show me how I can help him fight without falling into a deep despair, depression and bitterness..

I really need some help dealing with my husband watching porn. I have had conversations with him that seem to go well, and then all of a sudden I discover that he revisited his favorite site or he deleted the browsing history when I know he was online while I was away. I am trying to be a sane wife and I don’t know how any more. We have a daughter together and it’s not a relationship that I want to leave over porn. I feel like this is something that he needs to see from a woman’s perspective to have a full understanding of it. However, I do not know what else I can do, besides constant monitoring and conflict or removing the internet from our home. In one conversation, I explained and he ACKNOWLEDGED THAT HE UNDERSTOOD that watching porn is acting on lust and it is hurtful and unfaithful. However, he said he’s just trying to get rid of a “problem” when I’m not around. However, we do not have an intimate relationship and the last relations that we had were strained and uncomfortable. I am willing to try anything he wants to try, but I feel that we should be participating together, and it should involve only the two of us. Isn’t that what we signed up for in our marriage? I know that in the past he has admitted to cheating in a past relationship. That knowledge eats me up because I feel like our relationship is at a point where he could start drifting. I understand that I am not physically appealing (I never lost the baby weight), and I am no where near the level that porn stars are at. I don’t want to be. I value my virtue, and it is one of the reasons why he married me. Why isn’t that enough anymore? Why is WHO I am less important (even in sex) than WHAT I look like? I feel like my back is against the wall because now he “refuses to have this talk again” but the problem still stands. What can I do? How can I open a closed conversation? How can I get my husband and my sex life back???? I am feeling lonely, betrayed, unattractive and unwanted. All I want is a healthy, loving relationship.