Questions

I have been with the same guy the past four years. We have our ups and downs but are usually pretty capable of working things out. The one item that seems to be unresolvable, is his online viewing of porn. At first, he would always deny any/all porn viewing. When I confronted him with specific sites that he had been to, the conversation stopped altogether. He is a God-fearing man that grew up in church, as I did, yet from what I have come to understand, lost his virginity and began a rather godless lifestyle while in the Navy years ago. I recently left him in June and spent the entire summer serving my family in a number of capacities but have returned to his/my home at his request. Over the summer’s absence, we were able to have some very “real” in-depth conversations about things that bothered each of us…mine being his porn. At the initial mention, he did not deny but rather just got quiet and diverted the attention to something about me…as though his viewing is MY fault. I am a survivor of an abusive marriage from years ago and know that if there is one thing I learned, it is that the abuse, no matter what the form, is not my fault. After mulling over what I’d said to him, in love and kindness, he called back and admitted to having a problem and asking for intercessory prayer to help him overcome his addiction. He has been a different person since I’ve returned (3 wks now) but saw, this morning, the same look on his face that usually was the “tell” for his activity in the past. I looked at his computer and see that he has revisited his addiction. I hate to be looking over his shoulder and always suspecting him…how do I deal with this and/or what should I do??? He always can tell when I’m bothered as I’m not a very good poker-face. I cannot lie to him and say there’s nothing wrong. Help, please.

Do you know of any on-line support groups for families of strippers/prostitutes? I feel very alone and know that if I could communicate with others on this walk that it would encourage me.

I recently left my live-in boyfriend of 5 years. I knew that he looked at pornography when we were living separately. After living with him for 2 years, I realized that I could not look the other way. I could not accept pornography in our relationship.

He has promised to cut down on viewing pornography. It wasn’t enough for me, and I left him a month ago.

Two weeks in, he contacted me and told me that he will stop looking at it. He said he wants to grow up.

The thing is, I know he has escalated his watching from the laptop to the television (via a game console). So recently, he “willingly” offered me to look at his laptop.

Another dinner date later, I asked him if he ever looks at pornography besides on his laptop. He did not admit to it. He said he had stopped looking at it. He said I don’t know what I’m talking about. I told him that I know he has viewed it on the game console internet hooked to the TV. He has tried to delete the evidence.

Should I be a person who forgives him and believes that he said he has stopped? It has only been one week.

I wish for an honest relationship. I told him that there is someone just like me, but better, and willing to accept porn. He still wants to be with me. Why is he still pursing this relationship? Can this be his true self? How can I tell if he’s really changed?